Anger Issues: Techniques for Managing

Sometimes it's kind of irritating when people go off the deep end with their temper. Too many people seem to not be able to control their anger. Undoubtedly, everyone gets into situations where they can become a little bothered... but that's no reason to take it out on other people. We all have to live together.

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Not too long ago, Bill, an upper-middle-class professional about 50 years old had an unfortunate incident happened when he would not allow another guy to have his parking space. He reached that spot first but this other guy simply had to have it instead. At first, Bill thought this guy was just joking but it soon got physical. It wasn't too long before someone call the police.

Undoubtedly, many people get irritable or angry when our expectations don't get realized. As in this instance, the guy insists on having that parking space that Bill already had. How outrageous is that? Why should this other guy get Bill's parking place when Bill already had it. Apparently this guy thought he was entitled.

If it was me, I would not want to give up my parking place either especially if I already have moved my car in most of the way. I definitely would think, right is right. I got there first so it's mine parking place. I can see me getting into the same predicament as Bill. Seeing how I could not fight to save my life, I probably would've ended up in the hospital.  So hhmmm maybe the inability to fight and no having the desire to fight..could also be an underlying force for keeping my cool.

It's funny how us “sane” people get behind the wheel and all of a sudden change when irritable incidents occur. Those irritations become reason for uncontrollable anger where we lack the control to keep our emotions at bay. These types of situations might include:

Being intimidated by another driver wanting to have his way.

Having another driver cut you off in order for him to advance faster and further down the road

Not being able to take your proper turn at the four-way stop because one or more others did not wait for you.

Having to get to an appointment but instead arriving late due to the traffic

Most all of us have had these occurrences happen sometime in their life. Some of us can handle them quite well while others go off the deep end quickly. Your ability to gain control of your behavior and emotions comes from your ability to change your view on that particular occurrence.

Next time one of these things happens, try to consciously realize how your thinking process involves. Does it come automatically without consciously being aware of how you deal with a certain irritation? Does a particular irritation make you become increasingly angry or can you consciously calm yourself by viewing this irritation in a different perspective. Don't just look at driving..look at any other situation..how about marriage (see Anger management in marriage)? You'll find it basically comes down to how you perceive these unexpected occurrences.

For example, someone at the four-way stop continues way before their turn at the stop sign. Will you allow this to trigger an angered mindset by saying to yourself “I can't believe this idiot is already moving forward from the stop sign.” I will show him. He needs to know he's doing wrong so I will blare my horn and cut in front of him with a scowl on my face. Before you know it, that situation could escalate further. You could get into a wreck or maybe even stop the cars to get out to start a fistfight. Sometimes you really don't know what the other person will be capable of.

you might start to attempt to calm yourself by saying various truthful realities that have just as much bearing on the situation as those other harsh ones you might have thought before. These might include:

Why should I react to this idiot not taking his turn, my times more valuable so I will let it go.

I won't let this guy not taking his turn bring about some immature action on my part, I will let it go.

Ignoring what just happened might be difficult, but why let this guy's attitude or impatience affect me. My time is better spent elsewhere.

Stupid people do stupid things. Some people simply are not aware of what they are doing. Why waste my energy trying to tell this person about his wrong when my energy will likely be better spent elsewhere finding joy in the rest of my day.

At one time I would have got very angry enough to react but I have matured and definitely have no need to stoop to this guy's level. Besides, he simply might not be aware of what he is doing because of other circumstances like being late for work, having to pick up his child at school, etc.

Reacting to these situations in this way allows you to reach new levels of control. You'll also find your ability to understand and tolerate potential other reasons for others acting badly. You'll also see how not stooping to their level means you'll save energy for other more important things in life. You'll see how making their problem yours does not help you in the least.